February 12, 2005

A(nother) Interview With God

from - smijer

I had this interview with God, see? Here's how it went.

Me: God, let me just start by saying what a pleasure and honor it is to have this opportunity to speak with you in person and hear your thoughts on a few things. To begin with, maybe I'm the only one who really wants to know this, but I'm just dying to know what you think about unbelievers. I mean, does it bug you that there are people out there who deny your existence? Don't you ever feel like just shaking them, and saying, "Hello! It's me! I'm real!"?

God:

Me: Ok... Uh... Let me try a different tack here. Can you give us your thoughts on evil? I mean, we all know you're against it, but I mean like, can you get rid of it? Some folks say that its inevitable as long as there's free will. So, are you going to get rid of free will? What's the big picture, there?

God:

Me: Ok, then. Let's just jump right into the meat & potatoes questions. Big one: End of the world? When? I mean, I know you can't tell us what day or anything, but like, I mean within a decade? Hundred years? I know all the readers are very interested to learn more about when, or how, or whatever you care to share with them.

God:

Me: How do you think people should treat each other?

God:

Me: For instance, the Golden Rule... I really like that one by the way... one of my favorites... I mean, should we carry that to extremes? I mean, like, if a straight person wants respect and dignity and wants to be able to express his own sexuality in any socially acceptable way, without shame, or legal discrimination... shouldn't he want the same thing for gay people? Does it work that way?

God:

Me: Interesting... Ok, I'm glad that we're getting to talk about this whole "how to treat people thing." Some people have just taken it upon themselves to go out and make up some rules for how people should treat each other, without even asking you. This is a great opportunity to let us know how you stand on their ideas. How did they do?

God:

Me: Great answer! Ok... bear with me on this one... kind of frivolous, I know, but I've really been wondering this. Take something "wrong"... you know, like lying, or stealing, or whatever... Could you make it OK? I mean, can you do stuff like that?

God:

Me: If you don't mind, I'd like a follow-up on that. Murder - it still kills the guy, and his wife & kids still grieve & everything... but it could still be OK if you said so?

God:

Me: Interesting. Next question: Boxers or briefs? Ha! Ha! just kidding, of course. Really, what I'd like to know is... Is there a "true" religion? Is it like the Bible says, "No man cometh to the father but by me"... like that? Or like the New Agers, "all the different paths eventually lead to the same place"? Can you shed any light on that?

God:

Me: Ok. Great. Uhh... Hell: what's the deal with that, anyway?

God:

Me: I mean, burning people forever? Is that your gig?

God:

Me: I'll just put "refused to comment." Let's see if I can get you to open up with something like this... What surprises you the most about humanity?

[Laughter... mine]

God:

Me: Which came first, the barnacle or the crab? What about those other designed biological systems? I mean, what's up with that?

God:

Me: On a related note, can you wiggle your ears? Are those who can(not) do so also made in your image?

God:

Me: Absolutely fascinating. It's been a real pleasure. Thanks so much for your time!

God:

Well, needless to say, I picked one of God's more reticent times to do the interview. Bad luck. It's ok, though... because I'm pretty sure I can fill in most of those empty blanks. And, we may not always have 100% assurance of getting it right, but I think anyone with a consience and a willingness to stretch their minds out a little bit can satisfactorily answer just about any important question without recourse to books or interviews where people claim to speak for God.

Update - those reading from the Carnival of the Godless might want to check out my post from today. I have a story that dovetails with Bob's excellent post.

::

Posted by smijer at February 12, 2005 07:40 AM
Comments

Hi,
found you via the carnival of the godless. Funny stuff -reminds me of those times I spent at mass, only it's slightly warmer in front of the PC and I can eat beforehand...

univar.jpg Posted by Stephen on February 14, 2005 05:57 AM
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