Well, it's the day after Thanksgiving, and according to the International Rules of Holiday Warfare (IRHW), it is the opening day of hostilities between the Secularist ACLU Department Store Alliance and the Axis of Jesus. Time for all good fundies to take to the airwaves in defense of Santa, the Baby Jesus, Mistletoe, and all that is Sacred, while Godless, Babyeating, Secularist, Liberal Multicultural, Department Store Owners take aim at the Spirit of Christmas with their Happy Holidays banners and Seasons Greetings cards and their Creche-Seeking Tactical Attorneys.

If you don't hate Christmas, stop reading now...

I'm not kidding.

If anyone reading past this point is caught giving aid or comfort to the Axis of Jesus, there will be serious consequences.

Ok. Now, for the rest of you, here's a special Holiday Treat! Please accept this Strategy and Tactics Manual for conducting an effective War on Christmas:

• Good Offense is the best Defense. When the "Holiday" giving begins, be prepared with the right kinds of gifts to help put the "X" back in Christmas!

  Harry Potter books and licensed SpongeBob merchandise are perfect for the kiddies of the the Falwell/Dobson Coalition of the Axis.

  The Dreidel Game makes a great gift for any child on your list, but especially for children of the Henry Ford/William Donahue Faction of the Christmas Warriors.

  For adults, books make great gifts... Anything by Al Franken is ideal for enemy combatants of the Bill O'Reilly Brigade O' Crazies. Special bonus - Al's last name is sure to raise the hackles of the John Birch Regiment, too!
  

• Be prepared for enemy moles in your camp! If you are getting ready to slaughter the goat, and one of your coven looks like they are getting a little green around the gills, it may be a Christmas Crusader! To expose the impostor, all you'll need is your personalized copy of Mao's Little Red Book (your name embossed free, if you buy now!), and a Slayer CD. Ask your suspect to place their left hand on the CD, and read a few lines from the LRB (New Ward Churchill translation preferred). Christmateers can't do it.
  
• Eliminate the reason for the season. This is our most important mission. If you have them in your home (don't forget to check the bathroom shower!), get them out. If you see them set up in your town square, call the ACLU immediately. If your kid comes home from school with one, don't wait until later to send an angry letter to the school board. That's right! I'm talking about Falafels!
  
• Check back on these pages, and at the Carnivals of the Godless for regular updates to help coordinate our assault on the "Holidays"! If we stick together, we can drive Santa and all his little Elves bat-sh*t crazy!