I don't know if you guys have had this one appear in you inbox yet but you will. Here it is, in its entirety with my initial thoughts in parentheses.

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH? (well, at least they have become non-partisan now)

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
(hasn't that been true since May of 2003?)

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
(and until Congress gets tired of spending the money the mission will never be complete)

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
(now that is one hell of a coalition ain't it?)

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
(am I to assume that the Iraq war cost only about 11 billion dollars?)

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
(am I to assume that Israel is a third world hell-hole?)

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
(isn't it that attitude that got us into this mess?)

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
( and exactly how would that be in our best interest?)

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York
(what is it that makes us so anxious to ignore treaties?)

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2 Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.
(I don't think I hear Canadian knees knocking)

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
(I don't think I hear Mexican knees knocking)

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.

We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come.
(the oil from Alaska will supply our oil needs in about the same way as foreign aid will pay for the war in Iraq)

If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
(after looking at list one it becomes obvious that list two has some pretty spectacular places to live so I don't hear any environmentalists knees knocking)

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless America. Thank you and good night. If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
(sometimes there are things you can read that make you wish you were not able to read)

Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every USA computer! (you have been warned)

This stuff can be scary sometimes.