Today I am very upset and nervous. I have the nursing school nerves more than ever before. Those of you that know me or read my blog on a regular basis know that this is my second attempt at nursing school. So this year, the emotions are even more intense.
It was quite devastating to flunk out of nursing school when I'd never failed anything in my life. I was an honor's student and in Phi Theta Kappa. How in the world would I explain it to everyone that had so much confidence in me and was so proud of me? They knew that my GPA was outstanding and that I had planned to graduate with honors. How could this happen?
Well, nursing school is not easy and life was happening a lot when I did. Then, I had to make a decision. Did I go back or stop and just not become a nurse at all? What? Not become a nurse? It was my lifelong dream that was finally about to become a reality and then "wham!" it's over! But how could I go back? How could I face the instrutors again? How could I take a chance on failing again? If it hurt THIS bad this time, I could only imagine how bad it would hurt if I did it again. How would I explain it a second time? How could I possibly have the courage to do it again?
That's the thing. I can't explain it. I am no dummy. I know that I am smart. I can make the grade in ANY class except for nursing. It just doesn't make sense. I even took three sciences in one summer once!! I took Anatomy & Physiology 1 and 2 and Chemistry and came out with an A and two B's while working 30 hours a week with two teenage boys. Anyone that has tried that knows that it isn't an easy task.
So here I am in my last semester of nursing, looking to graduate in seven weeks with an 84 test average and a high B or low A class average and I'm doing well, right? But I know that I can't let up because one bad test grade can trash me and it will all be over....so I study and study and study and let the house go and neglect everything and forget that I have friends and family members and study and do papers all the way through spring break. Then you know what happens? I bomb a test and bring my test average down to a 76!! I really thought that I was ready enough for this test to pass it even though fluid and electrolytes is my greatest weakness.
So I'm freaking out! I have a test in two weeks on neurological disorders, the cranial nerves, spinal cord injuries, neural tube defects, etc. On April the 11th I have a final exam. One more bad day could fail me. The stress is so overwhelming. So I am going to read everything in my books and try to take notes a truly understand it all....read the section in my NCLEX books covering these things (Kaplan, Saunders, Mosbys, Lippencott), try to memorize my lecture notes and slides, and spend a lot of time praying about it. What else can I do? I guess I need to do all I can do on this end, then let go and let God.
Pray for me.Posted by Barbara at March 18, 2005 10:40 AM