September 30, 2004

Amazing To Me

What do we mean when we tell someone that we will pray for them? What do we expect when we ask someone to pray for us? Are the answers to those questions totally different? I think that they are for most of us if we are honest with ourselves and each other.

Beginning to live a Christian life is a huge change for most everyone that makes that change. As I have discussed before, how to pray, how much to pray, when to pray, etc...was a problem that I had to work on. Now, I have had to think really hard on this one. I'm learning as I go along that I need to do things differently. I need to spend more time praying for other people besides me and mine...and not just mentioning them before I say 'amen.'

I have found out that people are doing great amounts of prayer and fasting for my family and especially my husband. My cell leader (and friend), her husband, family members, church friends, and even people from the church that hardly know us. These people are losing hours of sleep to stay up to pray for his salvation and fasting for days. It is just so amazing to me still that the Lord gives us the gift of love and we love people that we don't know enough to cry for, give up food and sleep for, and give up time for to pray for them. I am so thankful for all of the wonderful people that the Lord has blessed me with. I only hope that I can be as supportive to them when they need me to be.

Posted by Barbara at 09:52 PM | Comments (0)

September 29, 2004

Process Recording

On our psychiatric rotation in nursing school we do what is called a 'process recording.' We talk to the patients, then we write down a portion of our conversation with them listing in one column what they said, then in another column how we replied. Then we have another column wher we are supposed to evaluate whether or not we used therapeutic communication when we read back over our conversation. If we did not, then we are supposed to write down what would have been an appropriate response (what we should have said.)

This is a very effective exercise. I have looked at them and thought, 'Man! What was I thinking when I said that?' or 'Geez! I'm stupid!' It is amazing how often we say things without thinking. I think that I am going to start using these process recordings at home. When a conversation goes sour, just stop before it gets heated, go type it out, print it, then get the kid that I was having the conversation with to look at it with me and tell me what is wrong with it and what could have been said to make it go more smoothly. Who knows? Maybe this will even help me to see where I went wrong and should have said something else. I think that it is worth a try. I will let everyone know how it goes!!

If it is a success, maybe I will even try it on my husband! What do you think? :o)

Posted by Barbara at 06:35 PM | Comments (0)

September 26, 2004


Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.
Immanuel Kant
German philosopher (1724 - 1804)

Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.
James Boswell, Life of Samuel Johnson, 1791
Scottish author & biographer (1740 - 1795)

We don't receive wisdom; we must discover it for ourselves after a journey that no one can take us or spare us.
Marcel Proust
French novelist (1871 - 1922)

To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.
Marilyn vos Savant

Posted by Barbara at 10:14 PM | Comments (0)

September 25, 2004

My children

My kids are great! They are both totally opposite from the other one and each special in their own kind of way. Yet, they are both awesome. Don't get me wrong. They each have their own problems and both of them do things that drive me totally insane, but overall they are great.

I have friends and family members that will totally be drawn to one or the other and never give the other one the time of day and it breaks my heart. Not only does it hurt my kids, but these people are missing out. The people that I truly cherish and believe in my mind to be the 'smart ones' among us see this already. They are just as impressed with one as they are the other.

There has always been a little competition thing going on with them due to some complicated issues with the past and the fact that my thirteen year old is my biological son and my fifteen year old is adopted. For years they hated each other. After a divorce and years of therapy, they are the best of friends and appreciate each other and take advantage of each other's talents.

Most of you probably don't care and need to skip this entry and wait until I post another day, but someones actions has really made me want to post about my kids.

Jesse is my thirteen year old son. He is the child that I wasn't supposed to have. He is 5'8" and 165 lbs?? He is a football player and is a leader. He is extremely intelligent, top of his class, student of the year every year, teacher's pet, popular, gifted, motivated, thoughtful, sensitive, witty, and on and on. He is an artist but it isn't his passion. His passion is PAINTBALL. He is overweight and lazy when it comes to chores and housework unless money is involved. He is always ready to make a dollar and is already planning small businesses to open while in college. As a baby, he slept all night, he wasn't fussy, and he was a momma's boy. He was never sick, he walked early, talked early, and had personality plus. He has survived Matthew and at the wise old age of thirteen is able to see past the moodswings and outbursts to who Matthew really is. He is a gentle giant and wouldn't hurt a fly intentionally. He is truly an amazing kid.

Matthew is my fifteen year old son. I brought him home at three days old. He is 5'8" and about 145 lbs. He is a natural athlete, gorgeous olive complexion, perfect teeth, big brown eyes, a fantastic artist, charming, neat & tidy, picky, popular, funny, and would look good in a paper sack. However, he has bipolar disorder and presents challenges with parenting and challenges for the teachers. By the same token, he has a lot of challenges himself because of that, because of dealing with issues from the past, and dealing with being adopted. Even through all of this, he is still one of the most loving individuals that you will ever meet and has one of those smiles that will melt your heart. As a baby, he never slept, was always sick, always cried, never wanted to eat, always spit up, and almost never seemed content. He was extremely hyper, walked late, kept to himself a lot, and didn't even learn to talk at all until we put him on the Ritilin at age three. Poison control knew me by name and even began to give me regular calls to just check up on Matthew. He was a regular Houdini baby. No child lock worked on him. He was a challenge from day one and would test the patience of Job. He would get loose from me in the store and run and run (laughing the whole time) and run out in the parking lot and sometimes not be caught until he'd been hit by a car. Traveling was difficult with him. Keeping him in a carseat was another story. Then he holds your hand, hangs on you, lays over on your shoulder, and says, "I love you momma," and makes it worth all of the trouble.

As you can see, God has truly bessed me. I wanted the Lord to use me by giving me a child that someone else would beat but that I would have the patience for. I actually prayed for that. Be careful what you pray for. The Lord does still answer prayers. :o) I'm glad I did though. It has probably made me a better and stronger person.....and I would not have Matthew if I hadn't.

Posted by Barbara at 09:30 PM | Comments (0)

It's a girl!!

Kara Nicole is finally here!! Congratulations John and Amy, she is beautiful!

Mr Smijer already used the best picture that I took of her because he doesn't know how to use a camera!!! So I settled for these. She's so pretty that she looks good in all of them though. :o)



Now I have two little girls to spoil! Miss Emily and Miss Kara! Oh happy day!! Can you imagine the tea parties? :o)

Posted by Barbara at 08:13 PM | Comments (0)

September 22, 2004

Nursing School

I have a big exam tomorrow. I hate nursing exams! I absolutely hate them! I would rather take a beating, be sick, fight with my ex, give an enema, or any number of terrible things that I hate to do rather than take a nursing exam and wait on the grade.

When I was accepted into the program the first time, I was an honors student, on the Dean's list, etc. My goal was to graduate with honors. My goal now is to just graduate. The nursing program gives you a whole new least many of them do. I have heard many horror stories. At least there is a reason behind the madness at ours. It is a two year RN program and requires a lot of information to be crammed into a short period of time. The pressure is intense! I'm often wondering if it is worth all of this. Afterall, I already had a career. I quit it and went back to school. However, I always wanted to be a nurse and I was getting too old to chase that dream if I didn't run quick.

So here I am, sitting in the classroom with all different ages of women and men, but mostly women in their twenties asking me for advice on how to cook a roast in a crockpot, how to cure diaper rash and making me feel old & wise. And if that isn't depressing enough, I'm not making A's and I'm watching my GPA plummet!

Hopefully I will survive the nursing program without dying from some severe anxiety disorder.Then I can graduate and put RN behind my name so I will have another job to complain about like all other nurses I've met. At least I can be proud to say that I survived nursing school. Anyone that KNOWS what that means will have the highest respect for me until I die!

Posted by Barbara at 10:47 PM | Comments (4)

September 20, 2004

Bible Contradiction?

I receicved an e-mail from someone that read......

Tell me what it says (this has always been one of my favorites, for some reason):

Galations 1:16-20 But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother's womb, and called [me] by his grace, To reveal his Son in me, that I might preach him among the heathen; immediately I conferred not with flesh and blood: Neither went I up to Jerusalem to them which were apostles before me; but I went into Arabia, and returned again unto Damascus. Then after three years I went up to Jerusalem to see Peter, and abode with him fifteen days. But other of the apostles saw I none, save James the Lord's brother. Now the things which I write unto you, behold, before God, I lie not.

Acts 9:23-28 And after that many days were fulfilled, the Jews took counsel to kill him: But their laying await was known of Saul. And they watched the gates day and night to kill him. Then the disciples took him by night, and let [him] down by the wall in a basket. And when Saul was come to Jerusalem, he assayed to join himself to the disciples: but they were all afraid of him, and believed not that he was a disciple. But Barnabas took him, and brought [him] to the apostles, and declared unto them how he had seen the Lord in the way, and that he had spoken to him, and how he had preached boldly at Damascus in the name of Jesus. And he was with them coming in and going out at Jerusalem.

My reply was.......

The things described in Acts 9 and Acts 26:20 had to do with a very early visit to Paul to Jerusalem about three years after he was saved. The reference in Galations 1:20 was a reference to a period that lasted nearly fourteen years (Gal. 1:18 with 2:1). The churches that assembled and grew in Judaea AFTER Paul's first visit (Acts 9:28) had never seen Paul's face.

To which he responded????

I think you need to read Galatians again. You donít have to use your imagination to figure out the timing of Galatians. Why doesnít Galatians just mean what it plainly says about when Paul is talking about?

Am I alone on missing his point entirely? What am I missing? What is he missing? Any input on the view points?

Posted by Barbara at 09:43 PM | Comments (8)

September 19, 2004

Light Posting

I have been neglecting my duties of blogging. I have been rather occupied with studying for a test, kidney stones, problem teenagers, trips to the ER and doctor, and other little annoying things. However, I am hoping to be back on track soon and driving whoever dares to look insane again. :o)

"Now, therefore," says the Lord,
"Turn to Me with all your heart,
With fasting, with weeping,
and with mourning,"
So rend your heart, and not your garments;
Return to the Lord your God,
For He is gracious and merciful,
Slow to anger, and of great kindness;
And He relents from doing harm.
(Joel 2:12-13)

Posted by Barbara at 10:02 PM | Comments (1)

September 15, 2004


From his cradle to grave a man never
does a single thing which has any first and
foremost object save one--to secure peace
of mind, spiritual comfort, for himself.
--Mark Twain

Peace is not an absence of war,
it is a virtue, a state of mind,
a disposistion for benevolence,
confidence, justice.
--Benedict Spinoza

Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.
--Psalm 30:5

Dance and game are frivolous, unimportant down here;
for "down here" is not their natural place. Here, they are
a moment's rest from the life we were placed here to live.
But in this world everything is upside down. That which, if
it could be prolonged here, would be a truancy, is likest
that which is in a better country is the End of Ends, Joy is
the serious business of Heaven.
--C.S. Lewis

Posted by Barbara at 09:49 PM | Comments (4)

September 13, 2004

On a Personal Note

I have been really enjoying a song from my new 'Mary Mary' CD called 'Can't Give Up Now.' It talks about the battles and mountains to climb and the chorus says, "I just can't give up now...I've come too far from where I started from. Nobody told me that the road would be easy...and I don't believe He brought me this far to leave me."

I believe that and I was just thinking that I am very fortunate to have so many people supporting me emotionally and set in my path. Of course there is my Mom and Patty that are family that I can always call, but besides family and ones that have always been there, I have great friends. I have Christie who is a friend and my cell leader always available and ready to offer advice. I think that God placed me and Yolanda at school for each other. I know that she is a great comfort to me and I feel so much better just knowing that she is there to pray with me before tests and otherwise. She is wonderful to talk to and fellowship with. Even though my husband is a source of some of my problems, he really has my best interests at heart even if I think he is screwed up about what they are. :o) He is so good to me about most things and I am very fotunate. I have great in-laws and a great family for the most part.

I guess I am counting my blessings. Most of us get so caught up in our troubles that we forget to count our blessings. The Lord really does supply our needs when we call on Him and trust Him to take care of us. No, I can't explain it to a non-believer, but any believer knows exactly what I mean. No, I can't offer iron-clad proof, but any believer knows that they have all the proof they need just like I do. It's awesome and amazing and a shame that everyone won't open themselves up to experience it.

Posted by Barbara at 09:04 PM | Comments (2)

September 12, 2004

Blogging Again

I had thought that I would not blog again due to the controversy that it causes in certain aspects of my life. I have decided to go ahead and do it anyway. Keep on looking and reading. I'm going to continue.I guess I am supposed to expect persecution if I am going to live for God. My prayer is that I can touch, at least, some people with what I say.

I am still very excited about living for the Lord and can't see living any other way as much as someone would like me to denounce it and walk in the opposite direction. We each feel that the other is misled and pitifully mistaken about what we perceive to be the truth. I'm convinced of the truth as I see it and will continue to walk in that truth until I have reason to believe otherwise. Of course, that will never happen, because the Lord is real to me now. That would be like someone trying to convince me that my mom and my husband didn't exist.

I'm going totry to prepare a good post tomorrow so check in. :o)

Posted by Barbara at 09:57 PM | Comments (0)

September 06, 2004

Encounter Weekend

I'm sorry that I haven't posted in awhile. I have been on a weekend trip with ladies from our church, South Georgia, Arizona, Alabama, and Israel. Isn't that an interesting group of people to bring together? It's amazing how we can all come together as sisters in the name of Christ no matter what our skin color or our background and love each other. That is the way that it should be all of the time everywhere.

It was a weekend that I will never forget. Though I did not spend the weekend very emotional at all (which is highly unusual for me), or have any fireworks go off like I had hoped for (and was beginning to think that I had wasted my time) I ended up knowing why the Lord pushed me to go.

Before I left, I knew that I knew that there was a God and there was no turning back on that. I was at a point with my walk that I was content to be where I was for the most part. I wanted a closer walk with the Lord, but I was completely content to sit back and watch everyone else speak in tongues and the other things. I wanted to dance and get excited more often, excited about what the Lord has done for me but always afraid to get caught up in the emotionalism and hype (as my husband calls it.) Maybe that is why I could not be emotionally moved...because I was set to learn the truth.

It took a while and several people praying for me before I spoke in tongues. When I did, it happened, but it wasn't an emotional thing. I was told that it isn't sometimes and was normal. (This made me feel much better because I had been some before and thought that I must be doing it wrong so I stopped.) by the last session, I was thinking that the leaders must think that I am a dead fish. :o)

We came to the last session which was "The Vision" and we were all supposed to come up and get prayed for to have the vision imparted to us. I went too. Mom came in after it started and said, "What is going on?" I said, "They are making everyone fall down" and I frowned. She laughed and said, "You'd better not...he told you not to fall down." My husband told me not to fall down. I promised that I wouldn't if I could help it at all.

You see, my husband doesn't believe that the Holy Spirit can make you fall. He, being atheist, doesn't believe in the Holy Spirit at all. If you fall down, it is because you have let 'those people at that church' brainwash you and have control of your brain so much that they can manipulate your actions enough to make you fall. I had started believing this because I know how powerful the mind can be. I was going to resist just to prove that I could....I mean, I knew that I could...I hadn't fallen down any of the other times I'd ever been prayed for in the church or there, right?

Mom had said that she was going to sit down because she didn't want to get hurt.Then a few minutes later, she came back and said that she had changed her mind. I didn't question her. Mary came around touching everyone and praying. Most everyone fell at her touch. She got to mom and she fell! She fell! I couldn't believe it! I was thinking that she had sure gotten weak minded in her old age when it felt like I had gotten hit with a bolt of lightening.....I gasped and fell to the floor. I concentrated on the feeling. I wanted to remember what the feeling was like. Then, I tried to get up and I couldn't. I just laid there and wept. My cousin helped me up and it took me a minute to get my balance. I know now what the scripture means when it says, "And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit" and "And Hannah answered and said, No, my lord, I [am] a woman of a sorrowful spirit: I have drunk neither wine nor strong drink, but have poured out my soul before the LORD."

Mom confessed to me on the bus going home that she came back up there because she was upset. She thought that she was pushing people down and she was not going to be satisfied until she saw for herself. I admitted that I thought that I could resist with my mind and we got a good laugh at being taught a lesson over our skepticism by the Holy Spirit.

Posted by Barbara at 10:21 AM | Comments (0)