March 26, 2005

Happy and Sad

This blog entry is about someone that I'm very proud of. His name is Josh and he is my sister-in-law's brother. I have been praying for him.

At my church, we have what we call "prayer of three" and we choose three people that need salvation to pray for. Each person in our cell group chooses three...then we share names and pray for each other's three. Josh was one of my three.

He went away some time ago to boot camp for the Marines and just graduated last week. While he was away, he got saved! I was so tickled! And I am so proud of him for so many reasons.

Josh is such a sweet person. He has been as long as I have known him. He stands up for what he believes in, he is family oriented, and he is sticking his neck out to fight for our country. Do I need to say more?

In a couple of weeks or less, he will be going to Fallujah. While I beam with pride, my heart is burdened to pray for him constantly. Please help me pray for his safe return. He will be a new father soon and will need to come home to resume that role. We all love him and look forward to that day.

Posted by Barbara at 06:39 PM | Comments (5)

March 18, 2005

Nursing School Nerves

Today I am very upset and nervous. I have the nursing school nerves more than ever before. Those of you that know me or read my blog on a regular basis know that this is my second attempt at nursing school. So this year, the emotions are even more intense.

It was quite devastating to flunk out of nursing school when I'd never failed anything in my life. I was an honor's student and in Phi Theta Kappa. How in the world would I explain it to everyone that had so much confidence in me and was so proud of me? They knew that my GPA was outstanding and that I had planned to graduate with honors. How could this happen?

Well, nursing school is not easy and life was happening a lot when I did. Then, I had to make a decision. Did I go back or stop and just not become a nurse at all? What? Not become a nurse? It was my lifelong dream that was finally about to become a reality and then "wham!" it's over! But how could I go back? How could I face the instrutors again? How could I take a chance on failing again? If it hurt THIS bad this time, I could only imagine how bad it would hurt if I did it again. How would I explain it a second time? How could I possibly have the courage to do it again?

That's the thing. I can't explain it. I am no dummy. I know that I am smart. I can make the grade in ANY class except for nursing. It just doesn't make sense. I even took three sciences in one summer once!! I took Anatomy & Physiology 1 and 2 and Chemistry and came out with an A and two B's while working 30 hours a week with two teenage boys. Anyone that has tried that knows that it isn't an easy task.

So here I am in my last semester of nursing, looking to graduate in seven weeks with an 84 test average and a high B or low A class average and I'm doing well, right? But I know that I can't let up because one bad test grade can trash me and it will all be over....so I study and study and study and let the house go and neglect everything and forget that I have friends and family members and study and do papers all the way through spring break. Then you know what happens? I bomb a test and bring my test average down to a 76!! I really thought that I was ready enough for this test to pass it even though fluid and electrolytes is my greatest weakness.

So I'm freaking out! I have a test in two weeks on neurological disorders, the cranial nerves, spinal cord injuries, neural tube defects, etc. On April the 11th I have a final exam. One more bad day could fail me. The stress is so overwhelming. So I am going to read everything in my books and try to take notes a truly understand it all....read the section in my NCLEX books covering these things (Kaplan, Saunders, Mosbys, Lippencott), try to memorize my lecture notes and slides, and spend a lot of time praying about it. What else can I do? I guess I need to do all I can do on this end, then let go and let God.

Pray for me.

Posted by Barbara at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)

March 08, 2005

Honesty

There are many articles out that say that nurses are among the most honest people around. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but for the most part I believe it and believe that I am going into the right profession.

I have always tried to be an honest person. Even when I wasn't being consciously aware of things, I was terribly aware if I'd messed up on accident and was eager to fix whatever wrong I had done. I also didn't want anyone to think badly of me for any reason. I never have. My mother had a huge part in instilling that in me. Sometimes, I think a little too much. However, I told my husband that he never had to worry about me being unfaithful. I would never be able to do a thing like that and if I ever came to a point that I thought I could...I know for a fact that the guilt would eat me alive. :o)

Things that stand out from when I was growing up about this are when I was a preteen I was standing in line in the grocery store with a handful of bubble gum. It was a long wait and I ended up putting it in my pocket because I had a habit of putting my hands in my pockets. When I got to the car, I realized that I had left without paying. I immediately went into shock...through the tears, told my mother what had happened, and begged the cashier's forgiveness when I went back in to pay for it while my mother chuckled at me. I also remember, as a teenager, when my friends would steal panties from Hills Dept Store and I just wondered why they thought that pretty panties was worth going to Hell and how they could stand to look at themselves in the mirror. When I french kissed my first boy, the guilt ate at me until I finally took my mother to the bedroom and cried heaving sobs explaining to her that I had done a terrible thing. You can imagine her relief and laughter when I finally told her what the awful thing was.

I make mistakes once in awhile that I regret and wish that I could take back. I have road rage and wish that I hadn't and wish that I could back up and do it again.....but I never steal from anyone, take what isn't mine, cheat, or anything like that. I don't understand anyone that can. Especially those that take from people that can't protect themselves from it. I just can't stand to see anyone taken advantage of, neglected, or mistreated, ya know?

There are many people that call themselves Christians that don't have a clue what it means to be Christ like. Christ would take a dime from anyone that didn't give it willingly. Christ wouldn't force anyone to do anything against their will or manipulate them or their possessions when He knew that it is something that they would not willingly want. That is why He gave us free will.

These same people will be judged and I will pray that God will show them the error of their ways before it is too late.

Posted by Barbara at 07:56 PM | Comments (0)

March 06, 2005

New Blog Style

Get ready folks! We are about to launch a new style. My blog is in the middle of a new make-over! My husband (the computer genius) is doing all of the work. I am just the supervisor. The only thing is that he can argue with me without getting fired. :o\

Anyway, we are arguing over what looks good, what doesn't, what color scheme I like, what looks good, what hurts the eyes, how many pictures is too many etc. Who knew it would be this complicated? Originally he told me to tell him what I wanted and he'd put it up for me. Somehow, Mr. Perfectionist just has to have more say-so than that.

However, the end product is turning out pretty well. Turns out that we make a pretty good designer team. It is going to be awesome! I bet you can hardly wait to see it!! :o)

Posted by Barbara at 07:45 PM | Comments (0)