September 26, 2006


I have a friend that has a great sense of perception. She can be in a meeting full of people and know down to the last detail what everyone had on, what was said, what the expressions on their face were, everyone's tone, and if anyone was acting unusual. Not me. I am usually in my own little world. I notice a few things if they pertain to me or if they are so apparent that you can't help but notice them.

One day, we were talking about a pattern of a co-worker that I 'have' noticed amusingly and we began to talk about her incanny perception. She began to say that one person would act a certain way if they were having a bad day and that she knew when things were bad with work with another person because they did something else. I couldn't resist. I asked her what my pattern was. Her answer made me think for a couple of days.

She said that I was hard to read. She said that occasional small things might make her think that something was wrong somewhere but it was hard to tell if it was work or home. She said that I seemed to be pretty steady with my mood most of the time and no one would believe all that I had on my plate if they didn't know it. She went on to say that she didn't know how I functioned as well as I did with all that I had going on in my life and that she'd be a basket case. She meant this as a compliment and I took it as so.

I have made so many posts about how lucky I am. I'm sticking to that. Life is never a bed of roses without some thorns, right? However, it does make me wonder if there is something wrong with me or if I cope better than others. Do I hide my head in the sand and ignor too much or do I just take it in stride? Should I be more concerned and do more about it? Do I do what I can and do no more for self preservation? How much can one person do and how much can actually be done? These are the things that I have been thinking the last couple of days.

Having a son that is schizoaffective definately takes it's toll on the family and me. I don't know if I do enough or if I ever could. I try to help my family as much as I can. I give a lot. Do I give and do enough? I think so, because I would drop if I worked anymore hours and my house is already in a mess because of it. My marriage isn't perfect by any stretch, but I could not have married a better person....if that makes any sense. I will leave that at that. I have health issues...epilepsy...tumors.....arthritis....but it could be much worse. There is more too that I won't go into. But, should this make me crazy? Maybe if I slowed down long enough it would.

Someone else I know has 'very' similar problems, is trying to quit smoking, and hates their job. This person is miserable. It is all they can do to get through a day. They are pleasant most of the time and withdraw from the world when they can't be so they don't hurt anyone's feelings. They just can't help themselves. I don't think that they choose to be miserable or unhappy...they just can't help it.

Therefore, I think that my ability to do whatever it is that I do is a blessing. The Lord helps me keep upbeat most of the time and happy. I still feel lucky and blessed even though my bed of roses has thorns. I still feel like life is what you make of it. If something makes you that miserable...get rid of matter how hard it is to do it. I did it with my ex and my old job and both were the hardest things I have ever done...but I am happier and better off for it.

Posted by Barbara at 09:35 PM | Comments (1644)

July 12, 2006

Last Post on Gossip

I am so sick of gossip that I could just puke. However, it has been so rampant at work and so ridiculous, that I have just gotten to the point that I don't cry about it anymore or worry nearly as much. If anyone believes that I have my eyeliner tattooed on or that I am e-mailing the boss with all gossip to keep my name clear...then they are looney toons themselves and I shouldn't worry about what they think of me. Quite frankly, I think that they have little to do with their time and the bosses need to find them more to do.

I was doing some research on gossip to try to get some good pointers on how to stop an office full of gossipers and I came across a couple of good statements. Here is one......
"Gossip ruins lives, assassinates personalities, splits families, alienates friends, and greatly harms a person's (and company's) finances. Actually, nothing can eat through a company's profits faster than gossip, which leads to hurt feelings, a sense of helplessness for the victims and a general lack of morale.
On the other hand, a gossip-free life results in positive interactions with the people around you, heals relationships, makes a company run more efficiently and profitably, and increases one's general level of peace and happiness."

Here is another one (by someone bitten).....
"Do people not realize that when they propagate gossip, they help to chip away at someone's life? Pardon my crassness, but what the hell? Not only does it hurt the person it's about, but if it's taken from something that was said innocently enough, then it tarnishes the person that said it in the first place. Gossip really sucks. Not sucks like a vaccuum sucks, but sucks like losing your best friend, or like not being able to get your coffee first thing in the morning when you REALLY, REALLY need it. It sucks because it ruins lives people! It might make a person feel like they're in the know if they can share that marvelous, albeit ill-gotten knowledge, or that they're popular with the crowd of whoever's popular at the moment when they share, but in the end it only ruins lives."

Then I will end with some enlightening scripture knowledge about gossip...

OUTLINE IDEA: Lying is not merely a social problem; it is a deep spiritual problem. TEXT: "You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor" (Exodus 20:16).

PURPOSE: To help listeners appreciate the danger and damage that can be done by bearing false witness.

Do you like dolphins? Do you know that dolphins can communicate audibly with one another? Why is that fascinating?

Do you think that dolphins lie to one another? Do you think they are more truthful than people are?

What’s so wrong about lying?

I. When we lie, we distort the image of God in us.

Lying distorts our relationship with God whom we are to love.

There is no falsehood in God. God doesn’t merely possess the qualities of light, truth, goodness, and love.

What does 1 John 1:5 mean when it states that "God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all"?

God is incapable of lying:

"God is not a man that He should lie, nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?" (Numbers 23:19).

"In hope of eternal life which God, who cannot lie, promised before time began" (Titus 1:2).

In contrast, the devil is described as "the father of lies" (John 8:44), a title he earned from his first encounter with men and women.

Because God cannot bear false testimony to anything in any way, we who are made in His image were created to live truthful lives.

Whenever we lie, we move away from what God designed us to be to become like the Enemy who majors in lies.

II. Lies distort the relationship we are to have with neighbors whom we are to love.

Dishonesty undermines our personal relationships.

Have you ever had someone you trusted let you down by lying to you? What does that do to your friendship?

Have you ever had someone you trusted cheat you? What happens inside of you?

Gossip destroys not only the trust you had in a friend but in other people as well.

Have you ever found that someone in whom you confided has told your secret to others? What happens in you and in your relationship to that person?

Gossip ruins both the gossip and the person who is the object of the gossip.

A gossip values the attention he gets so much that truth doesn’t matter much to him any more.

The individual whose trust has been betrayed finds it much more difficult to trust anyone else. As a result, he or she finds it more difficult to relate on a deep level to others through his or her life.

III. The problem doesn’t center in what we say, but in what we are.

"The heart is deceitful above all things . . . who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). Because we have deceitful hearts, we speak and live deceitfully.

Jesus asked, "How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34).

If we really are people of integrity, it must mean that God must deal with our hearts

Posted by Barbara at 08:02 PM | Comments (0)

February 15, 2006

The Best Husband

I know that I have told you all that my husband is an atheist and it is my wish that he believed like I do, but I have to say that he is still one of the best husband's in the world. He is so very good.

I have given him a hard time over not celebrating Valentine's Day, but he is really so good every day of the year. He doesn't like to celebrate pagan holidays and most Christian holidays. He begrudgingly celebrates Christmas. I'm not quite sure why, but I'm sure that it has to do with the fact that it is so celebrated and the entire family celebrates it. He doesn't like it though.

He doesn't know that he bought me some Valentine gifts from Bath and Body Works yet, but he will find out when he gets home. ;o) But he won't say a word. He never does. He pretty much lets me have what I desire within reason and takes very good care of me. Who would have thought that the Lord could bless someone by using an atheist?

Posted by Barbara at 08:33 PM | Comments (1)

May 08, 2005

Putting Life Back Together

When I began nursing school, the instructors told us to kiss our children and husbands goodbye for a couple of get ready to give up or lose all of our friends...and part of our family members that would not understand why we didn't have time for them. They told us to say goodbye to our social lives and promised us that we have very little time to call our own if we wanted to be successful. They told us to get used to B's and C's and worse even if we were used to A' get used to messy houses, dirty laundry, unmade beds...and to go ahead and start trying to recruit some help during the really tough times.

Of course, the majority of us were honors students. We were mothers, employees, students, had excellent GPA's and an ego the size of a blimp. They must be talking to someone besides me. I'll be fine. Yeah right!! It didn't take most of us long to crumble.Less than ten graduated with honors. :o) Not me! My GPA was slaughtered long ago....though I had a 3.87 upon entering the program. We were struggling and everything they told us was true. Our lives took the back seat if we wanted to stay in and keep going.

But now we have graduated. Yes, we are still studying and are to do five thousand NCLEX questions before taking state we are still busy, but are freed up a little. Suddenly, I am beginning to see things besides the next test and how much I need to study...,or the next assignment tht is due. I see the horrific state that my house is in....the mountain of laundry, the piles of everything, the dust, the's horrible!! I'll never get caught up!! Oh my gosh! What will it be like to ssy, "Sure! We can come! Thanks for inviting us!" instead of "I'd love to but i have to study....maybe next time?" Heheh! Now it will probably be replaced with, "I'm sorry...I have to work!"

How awesome it will be though to weed the flower beds, clean (really clean) the car, keep the floors clean more often than once a month, clean the bathrooms and the refridgerator while they are still recognizable, and be able to open the pool this year! I feel so free! Ridiculous sounding, huh? :o)

Posted by Barbara at 04:09 PM | Comments (2)

March 18, 2005

Nursing School Nerves

Today I am very upset and nervous. I have the nursing school nerves more than ever before. Those of you that know me or read my blog on a regular basis know that this is my second attempt at nursing school. So this year, the emotions are even more intense.

It was quite devastating to flunk out of nursing school when I'd never failed anything in my life. I was an honor's student and in Phi Theta Kappa. How in the world would I explain it to everyone that had so much confidence in me and was so proud of me? They knew that my GPA was outstanding and that I had planned to graduate with honors. How could this happen?

Well, nursing school is not easy and life was happening a lot when I did. Then, I had to make a decision. Did I go back or stop and just not become a nurse at all? What? Not become a nurse? It was my lifelong dream that was finally about to become a reality and then "wham!" it's over! But how could I go back? How could I face the instrutors again? How could I take a chance on failing again? If it hurt THIS bad this time, I could only imagine how bad it would hurt if I did it again. How would I explain it a second time? How could I possibly have the courage to do it again?

That's the thing. I can't explain it. I am no dummy. I know that I am smart. I can make the grade in ANY class except for nursing. It just doesn't make sense. I even took three sciences in one summer once!! I took Anatomy & Physiology 1 and 2 and Chemistry and came out with an A and two B's while working 30 hours a week with two teenage boys. Anyone that has tried that knows that it isn't an easy task.

So here I am in my last semester of nursing, looking to graduate in seven weeks with an 84 test average and a high B or low A class average and I'm doing well, right? But I know that I can't let up because one bad test grade can trash me and it will all be I study and study and study and let the house go and neglect everything and forget that I have friends and family members and study and do papers all the way through spring break. Then you know what happens? I bomb a test and bring my test average down to a 76!! I really thought that I was ready enough for this test to pass it even though fluid and electrolytes is my greatest weakness.

So I'm freaking out! I have a test in two weeks on neurological disorders, the cranial nerves, spinal cord injuries, neural tube defects, etc. On April the 11th I have a final exam. One more bad day could fail me. The stress is so overwhelming. So I am going to read everything in my books and try to take notes a truly understand it the section in my NCLEX books covering these things (Kaplan, Saunders, Mosbys, Lippencott), try to memorize my lecture notes and slides, and spend a lot of time praying about it. What else can I do? I guess I need to do all I can do on this end, then let go and let God.

Pray for me.

Posted by Barbara at 10:40 AM | Comments (0)

January 21, 2005

Happy Birthday Jesse!

Fourteen years ago today, I gave birth to a bouncing baby boy! At fourteen years old, he outweighs me by quite a few pounds and is as tall as me, at least, if not taller. It's hard to believe how small he used to be. The pediatrician told me that he would grow to be apporximately 6'2" by the time he is grown. Geez!! How did we make one that big!!??

Anyway....I'm very proud of him and wanted to recognize him since it is his special day. He is a good boy. He is a good athelete and an excellent student. He makes great grades, is a memeber of the Beta club, has been student of the year for the last couple of years at his school, is on the football team, is on the wrestling team, is in the TSA (Techology Student Association), plays paintball, gets 'good character' awards, and has a lot of friends. Besides that, he has a big heart and loves everyone. He doesn't care what you look like, how you dress, your race, your sex or how popular you are before he is your friend. He is everyone's friend. I really like that about him and I think that he will go far in life.

Happy Birthday Jesse!! I'm very proud!!

Posted by Barbara at 03:43 PM | Comments (1)

August 25, 2004

Nursing School Preparation

I have had to slow down on posting much that requires any research due to having to prepare for starting back to nursing school. I start back next Monday and have skills check off's the following day. I have been trying to practice and study ahead. I'm getting really nervous and I figure that being prepared is the best way to ease the tension and stress.

I will try to post something everyday even if it is not something wonderful. I read so much everyday that I wish that I could share it all, make it make sense, and make it sound good. :o)

Well, off to study more. Maybe I can find time to post something clever later.

"Jesus said,'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list."
Matthew 22:37-38 The Message

Posted by Barbara at 01:18 PM | Comments (0)